Walked 85 steps today and went SHOPPING!!!

NOW WE HAVE PROOF MOM IS HEALED! SHE'S SHOPPING!!!!
I am posting from my Iphone today so this will be short. Another good day... They had a Book Fair in the Lobby - the same company that sells in schools. I asked Mom if she had gone down and she said, "I was just waiting for you!". We went down and picked up a new purse and some children's books for the Grandkids to read when they visit. She really took a long time reading each of them.

About three staff came thru while we were there and they each stopped and talked to her. She was pretty proud about everyone knowing her.

Pat was there in the afternoon thru dinner and he said she walked 85 feet today!
boy we appreciate these good days. Even if things go south for some reason, I am just going to treasure this time.

barb and Ryan are in Lewiston for Chad's wedding and we haven't heard that anyone is visiting soPat is planning on bringing Mom for Saturday afternoon.

FYI

The schedule Lyn made so we can send Grandma cards/packages/letters is now posted as a google doc just like the calendar, the link is over on the right side of this blog :)

Hair Therapy and Hat Day...

Brief capsule of day:
I got there at 11 for Mom's hair appointment. The hairdresser's name is Sarah and she is so right for the job - you can tell she loves what she does. She also gave her a manicure today and it really helped Mom's nails. We will not do that on a regular basis. I think Kirsten, Barb and myself can take turns giving her a manicure and she would enjoy it just as much.

We went to lunch at Riverview together...about 3 to 4 people commented on how nice her hair looked. Mom napped a bit until it was time for the 2:00 ice cream social. Pat was joining us and I asked her if she wanted us to bring the ice cream to the room. She replied that she would rather go eat with the people in the room. (Wow....)

We had ice cream... sat down at a table with about 4 ladies but then three other ladies joined us as the conversation was somewhat animated, led by Pat, of course.

Barb, Claire and Bel joined us in the afternoon and we visited until dinner when we left.

Mom just called and was a little frantic as she wanted Pat to know that they had Bingo tonight. :)

Picture today: We took down a paper flower from Mom's bulletin board and she took it and put it her hair, commenting that she thought it was quite a beautiful hat. :)

HOMEMADE SOUP AND HAND THERAPY

Unplanned, I brought Ann some homemade chicken rice soup. (I couldn’t play golf as I had a cortisone shot, but I stopped by the golf course and Herb, the cook, was just finishing up a batch of chicken rice soup. He truly makes it from scratch including his own base. So Grandma and I had soup, bread and store-bought cookies in her room and it was quite nice. I supplemented it with salad, coffee, and fruit from the kitchen. I just called ahead and they had it all ready...(Remember that if you choose to do the same.)

We then did a little hand therapy – rubbed lotion and then put on our ‘aloe gloves’ so her hands could be soothed while we curled her hair. And then, because she looked so beautiful – I mean, why SHOULDN’t WE GO OUT ON THE TOWN??? We took a ride and sized up some SASS shoes. (The clerk made 5 trips out to the car to get her fitted), picked up a McDonald’s ice cream cone, and visited my sister, Dee, at Mead High School. (Dee came out to the car and visited.) I got her back to Riverview just as Pat arrived and he was taking her to Mass and then to their Luau. (Will tell you more when Pat gets home… I do know they cooked a WHOLE pig and paraded it around...and had Pina Coladas this afternoon. (You know, I’m thinking maybe Pat and I will skip the move into a smaller house and just move into Riverview.)

Pat's comments upon getting home:

1. Mom was great....less fussing when he left.
2. At dinner he is making a concerted effort to engage Mom talking with other residents. He asked the ward nurse to suggest possible 'friends.' She gave him a couple names and the residents live quite close to Mom.
3. They are discussing increasing her Cymbalta, but they have not had to give her Haldol since June 4th
4. Using the button in her room. If Grandma says she needs to go to the bathroom, have her push the button and help her follow thru asking staff to do what she needs. Too often we just go to hallway and get someone, but if we want her to be independent, then we need to have her do it herself.

They had a luau this evening - paraded the whole pig through many of the hallways, had pina colada's in the afternoon and mai-tai's offered in the evening. Pat said it was pretty nice.

God Bless All!

Tuesday, June 8th Grandma sings "Happy Anniversary"

What better way to celebrate one’s 36th wedding anniversary than to have dinner with Mom! That is what we did and it really was pretty special. She recollected a lot about her visitors over the weekend. Pat got there in time to participate in Bingo and Mom was decked out with a lei that she won with one of her Bingos. (They are prepping for their luau tomorrow.)

Her bath schedule is Tuesday/Friday… so Amy took her off for her Jacuzzi tub bath… (See Pic). As we got ready to leave she was teary, a bit worried about “what to do?”, but the best time of the day was as we left, she sang, “Happy Anniversary to You….Pat hugged me and said he loved his ‘sweetie.’ And Grandma started crying more and said “oh, you have your sweetie..” I told her yes, and I hoped to have him 30 more years as she did… and she stopped crying and said, “That’s right…” Magical night.

Monday, June 7th - ANOTHER day of visitors!

Mary was there early in the morning to be with Mom before she left for Seattle. I met Ryan and Bel there as Bel was officially taking care of me on Monday. Before Mary headed out for the long drive home, we looked at the funeral pictures on my computer with Mom. Mom cried through much of it but I would describe it as tears of gratitude. (The reality is that Mom, Mary and I all cried.) As I mentioned in an earlier blog, we just realized she had no memory of Dad’s funeral or the ensuing celebrations. While my pics were not great – they did include the whole weekend, from the dinner on Thursday night, to the funeral, the church reception, the party at the motel, and the Charbonneau Reception. I wish I had been able to video all of those special times, like when she would voice how much she appreciated seeing the people there. Mary was amazing at how she helped Mom be reflective about the good times and her blessings...

Below is a link to one small minute. It is emotional but I am sharing it because it really shows a 'healthy crying Mom." It starts out and we are looking at a picture of Dave Erickson and Mary tells the story of how she enjoyed hugging a ‘real’ Erickson. Mom then makes a comment about how wonderful it is and how it is all about Dad.... and then she quickly says, "And that's ok," to make sure we realized she was just lovingly saying "it was all about Dad." A poignant moment.

LINK TO VIDEO: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qUl0jd0rwcw

After Mary left, Bel and I went outside with Grandma…. It initially was a bit cold so we gave Mom some Bel medicine (Pic 1) and then bundled her up! (See pic 2).
Jimmy surprised us and joined us as we watched Bel get to know the playground equipment. He


stayed with Mom and Bel and I ran out and did errands.

Then Barb and Claire met us back at Riverview so Grandma had the best full day of visitors. Pat capped it off at the end of the day.

LEFT: Ann, Mom and Gold-bricking Mike at Bingo

RIGHT: The weekend clan in the Physical Therapy Room. We were getting ready to say, 'No Pain, No Gain."

Weekend June 5th and 6th What a Weekend!

What a great weekend with Mom – definitely not tear free, but she really enjoyed seeing Mary, Mike, and Ann. I will let Mike and Mary share their own anecdotes of visits with Mom this weekend…but I can’t help share a couple things that happened while I was there.


Physical Therapy: Mom walked more than twenty steps Sunday using a walker. Then Shelley, the Pt had her get up out of the wheelchair, pivot and sit down. I am including two links to videos of Mom… the first one is Mom walking some steps ( "A Spring in Her Step") and the second is what we call the “Grandma Push” video. Listen closely to that one because her sense of humor comes out. The physical therapist instructs Mom to push up on her hands…Pat encourages her with “Push, Push, Push and she responds back to them with something quite funny. (You may have to copy and paste one of these links into your address bar.)

Link to "A Spring in her Step" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ZJTqEyhC0U

Link to "Grandma Pushing" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FnezOSTDgqA

Grandma feeding the Goldendoodle at Riverview a few days ago. (I can't remember his name.) Whenever she feeds this dog I wonder if she starts thinking about Jimmy and Pat in the 70's....

Conversation this morning with Matt, the Dietary Director

For the most part we have been sitting with Mom at a table that is closest to the patio sliders. Great view, just us or our friend Rosemary. Last night people were assigned to that table as they have had new admits. Pat then sat with Mom at the Assist Table, where she sits if no one is there. Pat noted that because no one talks at that table - Mom seemed to be sad, not as responsive.

This morning I called the dietary guy and found out the following:

1. They will re-assess Mom re: need to be at the assist table. No doubt she needed to be there originally as she did not feed herself at all when she arrived, and she was disruptive with crying/wailing and needed direction/diversion. We think her behavior has changed and is worth re-assessing.
2. If we accompany her to the dining room - it really helps if we call the following number and let them know. They will set up a place for us with her at the guest table. Just leave a message at 482-8152. You can let them know if you are planning to eat a meal with her, if you just want a bowl of soup, or if you are just accompanying her. If you are in Mom's room - just dial the last three numbers.
3. If for some reason you could not call ahead, it is o.k. to sit with her at her assigned table, but it does make it crowded for the other residents, so they do not want this to happen on a regular basis. Sitting with her at her 'resident' table occasionally to help Mom with conversation is fine. (Sometimes families bring three or four people and it just makes it a bit uncomfortable for the other people at the table.)
4. I asked about charges for meals. While it does say in a pamphlet that guests are charged, the reality is that they do not charge. Matt said that sometimes when guests seem to be taking advantage of this, then they have a conversation. I told him we would never want to do that but that I have found it is more comfortable for Ann if we are eating with her rather than just sitting. He totally agreed and suggested that sometime we just give a donation to Riverview... other families do that.
   
5. Dessert: They will try and delay the serving of Mom's dessert.
6. FYI: Breakfast and Lunch are meals where the residents order when they go down to the dining room. For dinner a food service person goes to their room in the afternoon and takes their order. Last night when the food was placed in front of Mom, Pat said that she said, "I didn't order this." If this happens , try to help Mom adjust, but it is still o.k. to ask for a substitute if she really doesn't want a particular meal.
   

NOTE: Before I finished this email, I called the charge nurse, Dan, to let him know I would not be there today. (I have a sore throat, runny nose.) He said that they had already assessed Mom and are going to try to move her to a more sociable table. Woohoo!

Notes on Mom's Medication, Progress, recent Questions...Action required by some of us

Today, June 3rd, the charge nurse, Jon, told me that they have changed Mom's Haldol dose to 'as needed.' They feel she has been doing so well that they are going to see if it would work well to just use when she cannot get out of her tears/wailing. They will observe closely and give it if necessary. There is also discussion about upping her Cymbalta, but a decision has not been made at this point. We hope that this change does not result in a relapse for this weekend when Mike, Ann, Mary and ? are visiting.

Questions Mom has asked in the last couple days:
1. Where did all the personal things from Charbonneau go?
Pat and I were both with her when she asked this. We explained that things were divided up amongst family because at that time she was not really doing well and not one person could store everything. She would like some of her personal items back. When we asked her which - she could not tell us - but we think we should slowly return some things. She misses her jewelry... I think we will pick up a bookcase and maybe we could slowly fill it with some momentos.

2. She asked Pat who was paying for all this (the room at Riverview.) Pat told her that she was...that Dad had arranged a trust for her that will take care of her needs. He told her that if she needed anything - she just needed to let us (any of us) know and we would get it for her...he explained that Bill is paying the bills with the Trust. ) Within a few minutes she gave Pat a list... a watch that she could read, glass holders, a couch, a new comforter. Pat commented that he may have unleashed a dragon! :)

3. Today during our car ride she asked where Dad's funeral was held. I told her that it was at the Church in Kennewick. I told her that she was there - but she didn't remember being there. I described the ceremony.. that Mike gave the eulogy, that she sat between Mike and Barb (hope that was right), that there was a military ceremony, etc. I told her that it was during the time when she was not doing well so she may not remember. I described the reception and the party that evening. I described the boards that Mary created. She then said, "Well, I suppose no one saved any of the newspaper clippings." I told her that I am sure that we have copies and we will get her some if she wants. She then started crying and said something on the order of: It would help sombody to have with closure.

4. During the last three days she is a bit more anxious. Leaving is hard. She communicates that she doesn't know how to do anything, i.e., turn on the TV, make a phone call, call for someone. I am not sure she will be able to really do those things, but the more she bonds with the staff at Riverview, possibly some of this anxiety will lessen. I find that having someone else there, i.e., getting her ready to go to bed, or helping her go to the bathroom, or taking her to an activity is the best time to leave as she is with someone during the transition. She will probably still cry/complain... but it is hard to just walk out and leave her alone.

Pics to accompany previous post...

I somehow goofed and couldn't add pics to the last post in draft form... Pic 1 - Mom with her new hairdo while on the car ride. Pic 2 - Riverview staff wine servers. Pic 3 - The Candlelight dinner Chocolate Dream Dessert.

wining, dining, ice cream socials, going out to lunch....

Wining, dining, ice cream socials, going out to lunch.... oh yes, it is a very difficult task, but Pat and I are giving it our all as we try to get through these 'trying' times with Mom:

1) Went to communion service in Chapel followed by candlelight/wine/copper river salmon candlelight dinner. (The candlelight dinner is a once a month affair on a Wednesday. Hopefully we will all get a chance to attend these...but if no one is attending...we will be there! (Again...it is HARD but we will do it...) They actually have a couple rooms where they set up for probably up to 12 ish people so a number of us could also attend.

2) We actually missed an ice cream social yesterday but today they were here again and so Ann and I were able to partake - shortly after we came back from lunch... which consisted of a MacDonald Cheeseburger and Chocolate Shake. (The chocolate shake was half Ensure Boost.) Her blood sugar before we went to lunch - 344.... her blood sugar after we had lunch and then ice cream.... 255. Go figure.

I did not plan on taking her to lunch but she had her first shampoo and set appointment today. She looked so good and it was so beautiful outside that we decided on the spur of the moment to head out. The staff are great in that two or three aides get her in and then out of the car so it is not hard on our part at all. I think she really enjoyed it.

We picked up McDonald's in the drivethru and then went to Pat's work where he jumped into the car and ate with us. I was going to head back but I asked her if she'd like to do errands with me and she said yes. We went to the bank, drove out to Colbert to drop of some papers and then back to Riverview. She was actually a little tired - although not too tired to go down to the ice cream social! (She also had some tears this morning and during the drive... will tell you more in another post.

Umm . . . this is weird.

Today Ryan, the girls, and I joined Pat, Kirsten, and Huy for a Chinese take out meal with Mom. She fed herself well and told us that was a good idea.

She joked with the girls, telling them she would open their belly buttons with a key.
She told the girls she would take out their tonsils for them, then when Ryan asked her if she had her tonsils out, she said, "Yeah."
Ryan: "They don't really take tonsils out much anymore."
Mom: "They must have decided the benefits didn't outweigh the difficulties."

Uh . . . reasoned inferences. Large vocabulary. Awareness of audience.

Huh? Ryan and I were both shocked.

I've also noticed her taking on some of dad's mannerisms. When she's mad at me (perfectly pleasant today, though) she'll say, "Now listen. . ." just like Dad would have. And today she was teasing the girls and paying them extra attention like Dad would have. Very cute.

May 31 Rain has been non-stop today, but no tears are falling...

WRITTEN BY PAT:

I had both a son to mother talk and a conversation with mom this morning. The talk was about her desire to live with one of us. I used Lyn and I as an example and said the same would be true for all her children. I pointed out that if we moved her to our house that Lyn and I would still need to go to work, run errands and visit our friends and that she would end up many days spending most of her hours 'alone' with 1 or 2 caregivers. I told her I was gone from the house about 10 hours a day when I was working. At Riverview, you have a dozens of different caregivers checking on you throughout the day and you have 60 residents you can watch, listen to and talk to every day. I think this resonated with her as she does have a lot of contact with staff and other residents. I think yesterday Bingo experience was a positive first step in helping mom make social connections. This morning a cheerful stranger, Beth (?) my memories going, walked in and said good morning and sang "Jesus love me this I know ...." on tune and in good spirits.

She started our conversation by asking me "How is this being paid for?" I told her that she was paying for it from the trust Dad had set up for her. I told her she had a pension (?) social security, interest and oil revenue income. I told her not to worry about the costs. Then I told her that if she needed anything just ask and we would get if for her and Bill, as a Trustee would pay for it. I said if you think of anything that you want or need just ask. So, she said "Well I do need a watch that I can read". Then she said " I need a string for my glasses." Then " a new comforter." The she asked for a couch like she saw in a room down the hall. Huy and Kirsten have a shorter couch that may work nicely. I think she liked the idea that she has money to spend. Later a commercial came on for a 'hover chair' competition for the 'scooter' chair (?) and she said maybe she should have one of those. However, as Barb pointed, since she is pulling herself around some in her wheel chair that may be the best thing for her at this point.

Barb, Ryan, the girls and Kirsten brought in chinese food for lunch and we ate family style in a conference room. Mom fed herself and ate a little of everything.

This Wednesday at 3:00 will be Mass or a Eucharistic service downstairs, then at 4:00 we will go back upstairs for Wednesday wine and then Copper River Salmon for dinner at 5:00. I told the dietitian that mom would be having several guests.

She told me she could still read, but she can't turn pages, so tomorrow we will try out a computer they have available in the special care unit.

Now that she may be accepting this place as her home, I think we need ask her how to decorate so she will feel it is her space. The couch may be a great idea so that we have seating for at least four visitors.

Well, Happy Memorial Day... I thought alot about Dad today... God Bless All

Involvement

I have managed to visit grandma every day since she arrived. I decided to visit lots during the first few weeks to help her feel more at home. During the week of June 9th-11th I have to be out of town for school and I already miss grandma! I was having some near perfect days with grandma when on Saturday morning she finally gave me the talking to that everyone else has experienced. Then on Sunday morning we had another great day together! I am never sure what to expect but every time she kisses me goodbye my heart melts.

On Sunday she talked about how she feels that she did not appreciate everything and everyone until it was too late. She also said that she feels like she is missing out on too much. I don't know how we can include her more. If you send any letters or title your blog posts as "read to grandma" I will be sure to sit down and share them with her. I could also write down her thoughts and personal responses and send them back to you. Perhaps if grandma feels that she is truly communicating she will feel more connected.

When I have helped grandma get ready in the mornings I kept thinking that something was missing. Her neck seemed extremely bare without her cross necklace. I have not looked through her things yet but does anyone know if she has a necklace and her lanyard for her glasses? She has been wearing her glasses but constantly takes them on and off. I don't know if things around her neck would be hazardous but I could at least put them on when she has family visitors and then take them off for the nights.

Another tip - if she has been crying you might offer her a washcloth with warm water to wash her face. She says it feels very comforting.

I love you all! Everyone is welcome to stay at any of the Erickson/Simmons hotels if you come to the area. My place is exactly 17 minutes away from her house.

We should plan something special during the lake this year to coordinate our visits with grandma. It is only a little over a month away until the lake!

Monday, May 31, 2010
Update for the last couple days
Well, Sunday was a magical day for Grandma… especially as compared to Jim’s visit Saturday. Grandma was not good on Saturday – many tears…some wailing..and downright mean when Barb was there later in the day. I will let them share about their visits. I am not surprised they have not added to the blog because it is probably a painful experience to relive.

So Pat and I went to visit her on Sunday after Mass with much trepidation…but instead encountered one of her best days ever. Go figure.

Here are some anecdotes:

• Teary a little when we sat and watched TV and when we went to leave.
• Pat took her to Bingo. She played by herself – (One card is better than two.) She listened to the caller, picked the chips out of a bowl and correctly put them on the numbers. She won twice and correctly called back the numbers of her winning row. (She did at one point after an hour…take a couple chips off of numbers for no reason…so it wasn’t perfect…but think back to when she wasn’t even talking at all.)
• More than once yesterday in response to my teasing – making humor about myself – she smiled and rolled her eyes.. She did that at lunch once and the lady eating lunch with us laughed at her…and she then smiled even more.
• Fed herself lunch – including picking up coffee cup and drink glasses by herself. I think she likes the dignity of feeding herself. While again, not perfect, whenever possible it is best. I think she did lose a couple pounds though…so we need to continue push the high-density foods..healthy shakes. etc.
• She will motor herself around if the foot pads are off of her wheelchair so good to take them off when you are not taking her for a long walk. Take them off at meal-times so she can scoot under the table making it easier to feed herself.
• We called John and she talked to him and wished him Happy Birthday. We called Janice but she was in the shower and when she called back we were in the noisy lunchroom… then there was Bingo and we didn’t end up being able to reconnect. We are so sorry Janice!

She did cry when we said we were leaving. Not just teary but cried…but in the midst of crying she communicated quite clearly why she was crying. Some of her words..and these are pretty much verbatim:

1. Why can’t you take me home with you?
2. I feel like you just dumped me here.
3. I feel like such a baby.
4. I don’t like crying.
5. I don’t know how to do anything here. I don’t know how to turn on the TV or use the phone.

So while the last 10 minutes were in tears…both Pat and myself were impressed with how she expressed herself during the tears. It was not with meanness…it was with pretty good emotional clarity. We would respond with answers to her questions., i.e. telling her that we did not dump her there – and she in turn answered that “I know.. I just feel that way.”

We notified the staff we were leaving and they arranged for someone to take her to Vespers and then to have someone with her at dinner. I called a little later and they said she did well – no more tears and was eating dinner at the moment and still doing well.

We just wish everyday could be like this. (We were there from 10:30 to after 4 so it was a good amount of time. We did not plan to be there that long but I think we both were so enjoying the fact that she was in a good state that we just kept staying a little longer.)
We do know that realistically she will continue to have good days and bad days. We just wish that for out of town visitors that you would always be here on a good day!

Note: The nurse did call to say that she slid out of bed early Sunday morning while she was trying to get up to go to the bathroom. They do have alarms on her bed and wheelchair but they just weren't able to get there soon enough. She said that they are watching her closely and she didn't seem to have any issues but she may have some bruising.

That's all for now...Pat is heading in and Kirsten and Barb are bringing Chinese food at 2 to have a special lunch. God Bless All!

May 28th - Mom Update

I know I just sent out a post re: the Care Conference.... but I just wanted to also share that I stayed with Mom for a few hours after the conference and things were really pretty good. She was just a little teary at times and did greet me with, "Well, I had about given up on you!" But she was pretty verbal and actually laughed and winked at lunch - laughed at part of an I Love Lucy Episode. We ended up talking on the phone to Karen, Jolene, Pat and Bill and with most of them she actually answered some of their questions.

She also for the first time with me, moved herself in the wheelchair by walking with her feet. She moved herself out of her room and down the hallway about 30 feet to feed one of the dogs. I think it is great exercise and may help her not feel so 'stuck' in her room. I think we should encourage her to do this...

Care Conference Summary - Fri., May 28th

Care Conference Review
In attendance: Lyn, Matt(Dietary Consultant), Dan (Director of Nursing), Pam(Recreational Therapy), Patti(Sociologist), Jon (Day Charge Nurse). Pat was sick so stayed home but participated through a speaker phone.

Overall – I was pleased in that their overall philosophy was that they (Riverview Staff) were there to work in concert with family to try and better the quality of Mom’s life.

Mom’s crying and wailing has been disruptive to other residents and to staff. They have tried numerous interventions – i.e., attention, comfort, engagement, firmness… and on Thursday morning they felt they needed to try a medication change ‘to try and reset her scales,’ as the other interventions were not working. . (I did not realize it but at meals she was doing some wailing so the whole dining room experience was a bit altered. (understatement, I believe.) Dan, the Director of Nursing did finally go into her room yesterday morning and eyeball to eyeball told her that her crying was upsetting the other residents and the staff so he was going to have to close her door until she could get under control. She did stop crying at that point, but was still very anxious/agitated. So in working with Dr. Dentler they removed the Xanax and started Haldol. The script is for 1 milligram 2 times a day…but they started with .5 milligrams once a day in the morning. It seems to be working for now.

Mental Health Evaluation – They are going ahead with a mental health evaluation from Spokane Mental Health. We did receive the one from the Tri-Cities but there were no recommendations.
They also said at some point in the meeting that they didn’t expect to figure things out today or tomorrow, but they would figure it out. … They did say that at some point we (family & staff) might decide that another placement in a different part of Riverview or a difference facility might be in her best interest. Pat and I acknowledged that possibility, but communicated that right now we feel that we have seen progress and want to pursue interventions other than moving her.

They asked Pat and myself to give them more of a history and so between the two of us we gave them a synopsis of their life and particular the events of the last 7-8 years. It becomes pretty evident to everyone that Mom has experienced a number of losses during the past 8 years.. Loss of farm, loss of ability to cook, loss of physical mobility (when she broke her hip), loss of core of friends, loss of Jim, Loss of 2nd home- Charbonneau, and change of facilities – Callaway to Riverview. We told the story of Dad’s relatively wonderful passing – showed them a pic of Mom and Dad in bed that last day.
Dietary Issues. They have noted that Mom weighs 117 and would like her to maintain or gain a few pounds. They have noted that she on average eats 50% of meals so they have encouraged and added high density foods, i.e., the Boost Shakes, other shakes, encouraging family to ask for any snacks at any time. During this meeting they decided that stocking a snack basket in her room would be good. (It was in her room within the hour. It will be automatically restocked on Monday of each week but we should feel free to ask for more if we need it – or for something that is not in the basket.

Pam – Recreational Therapy. She said in trying to help with the crying they have tried adding music to the room, and have engaged her in their exercise group. They asked about other things Mom might be interested in… We said she used to do Word Searches. They will enlarge some simple word searches and RT staff will sit down and do them with her. (We should do the same when we are there.) Any other ideas???

Future Care Conference Meetings. They usually have Care Conferences when there is an issue – not necessarily on a regular basis. We most likely will have another in a month or so or sooner if there are continuing issues. We are expected to have a family meeting with Dr. Dentler who is at Riverview on Wednesdays. I will call his office and arrange that – hopefully making it for time far enough in the future that Barb, and maybe Davenport or Coulee Ericksons could also attend and meet Dr. Dentler.

Barb: It's Freaking Adorable

Hats off to Lyn and Pat and Kirsten, whose steady multiple-times-daily presence with Mom this week has made a clear difference in her behavior, as I perceive it.

Wow. I spent an hour with Mom last night during which she conversed The Entire Time. Sure, she was pissed as hell. Sure, she verbally abused me and even hit me (not hard enough to hurt). But our hour of therapy (I call it this since I validated everything she had to say and took everything she had to give) was more verbal than I could believe.

She said things like, "Where are your girls?" followed by "I hope your girls never do this to you because you'll be sorry you didn't take care of me." "Why wouldn't you take care of your mother? I'd never leave you in a place like this. You're a good-for-nothing so and so who just smiles like Lyn and doesn't get me out of here."

She begged me to help her sneak out. Phrases we are using in response: "This is a good safe place. I'm so glad you're near me now. Right now you need doctors and nurses to help care for you. This is your good safe bed."

We talked about how she misses every member of her original family. She wailed, "I want my Mama!" for awhile. When I asked where she wants her mother to take her, she said, "It doesn't matter where she takes me. I just want to be with her."

But she agrees the food is good, the bed is comfortable, and she likes Morgan (aide) and a woman who visited her.

Here is their visit, spurred by Mom's wailing. (Adrianna? Some A-name) walks her wheelchair in and says, "I know why you're sad. You know they can't be trusted to be faithful. You're sad because your man is with another woman. But let me tell you, no man is worth all this fussing. No man is worth it."

Mom: "Right. No man is worth all this." And she quiets down and listens to the visitor talk about her (made up) WWII exploits for the next fifteen minutes, interjecting occasionally with things like, "But I want my Mama!"

Visitor: "Sure. Your mother would understand. Her husband cheated on her too."

It was surreal and freaking adorable.


The staff rocks. They cuddle her, read to her, joke with her, and put up with her shit. They also boss us around, but I'm glad. The key word here is involvement. Involvement and interaction. That's what we're paying the extra money for.

Basically, I think she is getting lots of interaction from staff and the Mead Ericksons, and so she's interacting more.

Thank you, Pat, Lyn, and Kirsten.

Love,

Barb